The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.
I have found myself wavering between overwhelming excitement and paralyzing fear. I hate when I feel fearful. I look back in my life and see instances that I missed out on really neat, fun, and possibly life-changing stuff because of fear. It isn't like fear of heights, after all in our younger days we went bungee jumping - or fear of dying, we went scuba diving with sharks. It is emotional deep fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of emotional discomfort, fear of coming out of my comfortable little world. I realized this is what I was dealing with when I read "Strength of Mercy" - It is the story of Jan and Ron Beazely and their journey of adoption. When they were discussing the call of adoption, Ron expressed his fear about adopting and the unknowns that came with it, and his godly, loving wife responded: "You are my husband. I will submit to your decision. But the sad thing is, if you are wrong - if God really does want us to do this - we will never know this side of eternity what could have been. To me there is nothing more devastating that to miss what God has, what He wants us to do....I don't want to stand before the Lord someday and have regrets."
I don't want to stand before the Lord and give an explanation for why I said 'no thank you' to something HE asked me to do - and ashamedly admit it was because I was afraid. I have to keep my eyes upward and my heart connected to HIS so my human frailty and fears do not rule my actions. I am beginning to understand that our adoption jourey is going to change my heart and refine me in ways I can not begin to imagine.