Psalm 145:13
The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.
I have found myself wavering between overwhelming excitement and paralyzing fear. I hate when I feel fearful. I look back in my life and see instances that I missed out on really neat, fun, and possibly life-changing stuff because of fear. It isn't like fear of heights, after all in our younger days we went bungee jumping - or fear of dying, we went scuba diving with sharks. It is emotional deep fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of emotional discomfort, fear of coming out of my comfortable little world. I realized this is what I was dealing with when I read "Strength of Mercy" - It is the story of Jan and Ron Beazely and their journey of adoption. When they were discussing the call of adoption, Ron expressed his fear about adopting and the unknowns that came with it, and his godly, loving wife responded: "You are my husband. I will submit to your decision. But the sad thing is, if you are wrong - if God really does want us to do this - we will never know this side of eternity what could have been. To me there is nothing more devastating that to miss what God has, what He wants us to do....I don't want to stand before the Lord someday and have regrets."
I don't want to stand before the Lord and give an explanation for why I said 'no thank you' to something HE asked me to do - and ashamedly admit it was because I was afraid. I have to keep my eyes upward and my heart connected to HIS so my human frailty and fears do not rule my actions. I am beginning to understand that our adoption jourey is going to change my heart and refine me in ways I can not begin to imagine.
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Oh you can count on the refinement, you can count on the enemy working really hard to sway you from bringing home one of the least of these but you can also count on more joy, more blessing, more sweetness than you can dare to dream or imagine.
ReplyDeleteI'm so thankful the Lord has given my family front row seats!! Love you dear friend.
wow...deep, and so true for all of us in any new situation...something so different and new...is scary but oh so exciting and beautiful! Take a deep breath and enjoy the ride! praying with yall! whit
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to your post! Exactly the way I've been feeling for....about the last year I guess. I think we're about at the same place in the journey and we have 4 children too - about to adopt from Ethiopia. I would love to share more and visit about this journey. Take care.
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