We got another call on Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving) and found out that more is missing from our court documents than we thought - a specific letter with specific information has to be obtained before we can get the recommendation letter (which we are also waiting for). Our case was rescheduled (again) for December 3rd. Oh how disappointed I was - and honestly still am! I had a very hard time finding anything to be thankful for and I spent most of Wednesday questioning God and asking a lot of whys!! I don't think God is upset with me for being sad, disappointed and frustrated - after all HE made this mama's heart and HE has filled it with great love for Mary-A! I still don't understand why it is taking so long, why HE has chosen this path for our journey, why we seem to be moving in the wrong direction, why God doesn't move the legal mountains to make this adoption happen by Christmas (which HE could do), I don't know the answer to these and many more whys - but what I do know is... it doesn't really matter WHY - what matters is that God is in control!! God is sovereign!! God is good!! and God loves Mary-A even more than I do!! I am learning to rest in these truths.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west. Is 43:1-5
The other transition of our life I won't go into right now, but suffice it to say, it too is bringing challenges I do not feel equipped to handle. Our security rug was pulled out from under us and we have been left with decisions that we were not prepared to make and disappointments in relationships we never anticipated. Beth Moore said "Please set me free from the false security that comes from having more of anything than I really need." (Eccl 4:6) -- when I first read this, I immediately thought of the financial aspect - but as I thought about it and reread it, I realize that God only reveals to me, He only gives me, as much of the future as I need. If I saw more than what is 3 ft in front of me, it would not require me to have as much faith to take the next step.
We are faced with exciting opportunities, a beautiful journey of the heart and a tomorrow that asks us to have MUCH faith -- to trust God with our family, our future and our hearts!! God is at work in a big way, and we trust that He is preparing us for something bigger than we know. The trials and difficulties we face today and tomorrow are just building blocks for us to be stronger and closer to each other and to Him.
As you think of our family, will you please pray that decisions would be very clear, that God would move in a mighty way so that we may bring Mary-A home soon, and that above all HE would be glorified through our family.